Jargon You Need To Know

The time has come to lighten things up with an injection of humor. The Inspector can sometimes get a bit bogged down with specs and reviews so a bit of fun is called for every now and then. Now we all know what advertisers really mean when they use these tech terms

NEW ~ Different color from previous design
ALL NEW ~ Parts not interchangeable with previous design
EXCLUSIVE ~ Imported product
UNMATCHED ~ Almost as good as the competition
DESIGNED SIMPLICITY ~ Manufacturer’s cost cut to the bone
FOOLPROOF OPERATION ~ No provision for adjustments
ADVANCED DESIGN ~ The advertising agency doesn’t understand it
IT’S HERE AT LAST! ~ Rush job; Nobody knew it was coming
FIELD-TESTED ~ Manufacturer lacks test equipment
HIGH ACCURACY ~ Unit on which all parts fit
DIRECT SALES ONLY ~ Factory had big argument with distributor
YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT ~ We finally got one that works
REVOLUTIONARY ~ It’s different from our competitors
BREAKTHROUGH ~ We finally figured out a way to sell it
FUTURISTIC ~ No other reason why it looks the way it does
DISTINCTIVE ~ A different shape and color than the others
MAINTENANCE-FREE ~ Impossible to fix
RE-DESIGNED ~ Previous faults corrected, we hope…
HAND-CRAFTED ~ Assembly machines operated without gloves
PERFORMANCE PROVEN ~ Will operate through the warranty period
MEETS ALL STANDARDS ~ Ours, not yours
ALL SOLID-STATE ~ Heavy as Hell!
BROADCAST QUALITY ~ Gives a picture and produces noise
HIGH RELIABILITY ~ We made it work long enough to ship it
SMPTE BUS COMPATIBLE ~ When completed, will be shipped by Greyhound
NEW GENERATION ~ Old design failed, maybe this one will work
MIL-SPEC COMPONENTS ~ We got a good deal at a government auction
CUSTOMER SERVICE ACROSS THE COUNTRY ~ You can return it from most airports
UNPRECEDENTED PERFORMANCE ~ Nothing we ever had before worked THIS way
BUILT TO PRECISION TOLERANCES ~ We finally got it to fit together
SATISFACTION GUARANTEED ~ Manufacturer’s, upon cashing your check
MICROPROCESSOR CONTROLLED ~ Does things we can’t explain
AEROSPACE TECHNOLOGY ~ One of our techs was laid off by Boeing